Hooray for yoga pants, bitches. We mean, for ladies it’s the obvious thrill of wearing something comfortable , but for the dudes, too—best-case scenario you ignore their bullshit while you’re trying to just get in and out of the store before going home and passing out because you’re exhausted from working all day making less money that they do, worst case they are too thin to repel the gazes of creeps up and down the frozen yogurt aisle. They’re basically sweatpants, except tighter and so its socially acceptable to view you as an object, right? “Getting creeped out” sweatpants, if you will. And in addition to everywhere in the metro area, you will find more man-boys making you into a display at the Canton Safeway. Not because they want to talk to you though, or value you as a person or equal, no, see, what we had meant was … OK fine, we admit it, there are shameless pigs out there. As a hot females in yoga pants, running rampant in the aisles, you have every right to calmly inhale, select the appropriate cat food or bag of baby carrots and imagine yourself throwing a punch that lands right between some glaring yutz’s eyeballs. With a bunch of bars nearby, and, well, business majors all around, Safeway in the early evening is rife with goons ogling fly honeys clad in formfitting, moisture-wicking goodness, that is to say, women whose interest in living their lives healthfully can find all the ingredients for an imaginary knuckle sandwich delivery with maximum mobility. Insert obligatory Tori Amos reference, if you please.
Please join us at the Current Space backyard for Baltimore’s first juried home ice cream making competition! Local ice cream enthusiasts will be bringing their best to the table on this night, submitting the fruit of their churns & freezers to the palates of a panel of celebrity judges in addition to the public. $2 at the door gets you a ticket to sample each flavor of ice cream sampled by the judges and use the power of your cheers to vote for People’s Choice Category.
Dan Deacon & Lexie Mountain are your excitable hosts for an evening of sugary sweetness, gentle musics, local ingredients and local pride in the breezy rear environs of Baltimore’s excellent Current Space, taking the eating public through three rings of extreme judging and unbelievable creamativity. Baltimore home ice cream makers will be vying for Maker’s Choice Trophy (voted by fellow churners), People’s Choice Trophy (as voted by the attending public) and a $250 Jury Prize Trophy. This inaugural year’s celebrity judging panel features Dominion Ice Cream owner & creator Donna Calloway! More Baltimore star lactophiles to be announced.
Please feel free to circulate this message to the dessert-loving public of Baltimore. Our makers may only be able to accomodate a limited amount of tasters, so please arrive early. Want to compete, volunteer to work the event or receive further details? Email Lexie at meetamountain at gmail dot com. Ingredients of each ice cream will be listed on location. $2 Admission provides attendant with ticket for tasting each homemade ice cream entry; bring extra moneys because when the judging is done, the makers will open up shoppe!
Don’t forget to catch C A R T, presently on view at Current Space, and don’t forget to go by Dominion Ice Cream at 33rd & Charles to check out Donna’s completely mindfudging Cappuccino Crunch flavor ice cream!