PUBLISHED: SEPTEMBER 21, 2011
2610 Boston St., (410) 675-3704, safeway.com
Hooray for yoga pants, bitches. We mean, for ladies it’s the obvious thrill of wearing something comfortable , but for the dudes, too—best-case scenario you ignore their bullshit while you’re trying to just get in and out of the store before going home and passing out because you’re exhausted from working all day making less money that they do, worst case they are too thin to repel the gazes of creeps up and down the frozen yogurt aisle. They’re basically sweatpants, except tighter and so its socially acceptable to view you as an object, right? “Getting creeped out” sweatpants, if you will. And in addition to everywhere in the metro area, you will find more man-boys making you into a display at the Canton Safeway. Not because they want to talk to you though, or value you as a person or equal, no, see, what we had meant was … OK fine, we admit it, there are shameless pigs out there. As a hot females in yoga pants, running rampant in the aisles, you have every right to calmly inhale, select the appropriate cat food or bag of baby carrots and imagine yourself throwing a punch that lands right between some glaring yutz’s eyeballs. With a bunch of bars nearby, and, well, business majors all around, Safeway in the early evening is rife with goons ogling fly honeys clad in formfitting, moisture-wicking goodness, that is to say, women whose interest in living their lives healthfully can find all the ingredients for an imaginary knuckle sandwich delivery with maximum mobility. Insert obligatory Tori Amos reference, if you please.
